our modern warfare find and destroy me

we are an endless sea with nothing to breathe.
air escaped from our lungs, water rushes in and suffocates everything
The last of our dying breath will come after the flood after the rush when your lips turn blue. Then...it's all over, we will wait for new life to begin for a better future. Bare land, faceless, beautiful and uninhabited throwing existing memories out. Breathe now, because we are new and this is life.

anew

fial

Don't you ever ask yourself questions?
I'm sure you wonder, whether we all are real or someone is behind all of us playing god, playing out our lives, deciding whether we should live or die. Maybe we aren't real? Maybe we are? The good thing is we'll really never know and all we have is our faith to lean on and sometimes for someone that's all we need, but it's not enough for me. I dig so much deeper for truth than most and It keeps me awake knowing that the more time wasted the less time i have to figure it all out and I've accomplished very little since last august. I begin to wonder if we will ever be ready for the truth or what life awaits us after death. Do we live normally/
or are we stuck to wandering for years in eternal peace. Is it too quiet? The years will go by and I will get older, and I will forget what living is and be confined to a life of nothing because I never found purpose. I'm here to make a difference whether it's God's will or not and I'm going to fight for what's right until there's no fight left in me I'm going to live but never forget my endless search for real and for existence. As long as I live I don't think it will ever end, It's just my nature. The thought of forever is unbearable and the thought of the end is even worse. Either way I win and I lose, but I've already lost.

It's always good to know.

I don't care I'm not perfect we all have are faults, and sometimes when someone does something little to make you feel special, well it makes you feel special, and that is amazing.
maybe I'll have friends that I can feel good around and maybe I will become something more than quiet and reserved and if i do, then the worlds peacemakers will increase by one, but that's all just wishful thinking.
it always will be

My religion has failed.

Do you believe that there's something else, something new. Somewhere where nobody will ever know. What's forever like? I can imagine, aeons of nothingness? It honestly scares the shit out of me sometimes, whether I'm really existing or not or we all are just fragments of someones broken mind. I guess I won't know soon enough. It's always bothering me though or a parallel universe, some things weren't meant to be known. Who knows, who will crack the code? think about it.

other things, I'm stuck on a stupidass thesis statement

I'll get it together eventually.

Life connects to death which connects to opportunity which connects to life again?

I'll soon be working on a layout and an actual site teehee, I'm improving my skillz lol.
So this break I'll have actual time to work on graphics and write some more, maybe even watch some of my old movies, my logic makes no sense how considerably do i change topics so quickly, you may never know. I'm sick and it sucks, can't sleep but that's ok I'm going to use the bathroom then maybe work on cs2 a bit.

love yah
kay.

core

I love the way the stars reach out to touch us and hold us when it's cold
I love the skyline tonight, timid with yellow and blue.
The stars are falling and this sky is wet our dreams collapsing

and war was upon us she said, we're fighting our own planet
and destroying it, is it too late to save such grace?

if you haven't heard the news already

These walls hide the stars, the scars and the wires.
The truth. Tonight my headphones won't deliver anything but an ache and a pain, the sound of your soft-spoken voice. It's oh so alarming.
I'll shut out everything else, I've been trapped for quite some time now.
Chains holding my lungs, Forget about oxygen, Blue and cold.
Fits true to size, still not breathing.

The other morning I went outside and I looked at the stars, One was so bright, it was incredible even at 6am it outshone all the others.
Oh! how they must've been jealous.
Anyway they were all diamonds glittering still, even at the break of dawn.
What a majestic ceiling I thought, and I couldn't help but wonder what else is beyond and there were just so many
I never knew what looked so small could be so big.

brightestdiamond.

terms and conditions.

Here are some questions for thought:

Have you ever seen inside the human soul?
We are fragile creatures, but only animals?
Which came first the chicken of the egg?
Creation or Evolution?
Life or death?
What lies beyond the moon?
Why are all news people really cheap looking?
Who are we and why are we here?

answer those, you're my hero

CONFUSED? YET

Winning every battle defeats the purpose of live and learn. Every battle fought and for every loss I can't say we learn anything at all, or if anything I ever learned was learned from watching someone die, then this world is fucked.
And as long as we live a life such as this, we won't learn, because we'll never know.

Always love, hate will get you everytime.

Love has never promised me a thing, maybe I'm young, maybe I don't think straight at 2 something am. It's too early and too late, I only dream of gray skies and multiple sunsets.
Love is overrated, love is never promising.

The one thing I've learned about life is love is never promising. But we'll love anyway stronger than before, because it all makes us feel a little better inside.

Hope weak.

So faith is saying that maybe someday you'll rise and someday all this pain will end.
So much suffering can't you ask why? It is not our faults alone, It is no ones. It's life, this is life and we have to live it, so much. I can't believe what I can't really see and I'm telling you that it's holding me back. Holding me back from my dreams and ambitions that I "need" to put aside. I simply don't have time anymore not even for hope, I haven't slept in forever and I miss sleeping in. For one second a moment could be suspended in time, and maybe, just once I could feel free, The broken pieces will always remain in us, always

battle cries

You question my faith and I question your word.
It's only now just sinking in, only now.
I'm going to watch someone die and succumb to sickness. It could only get better.
I don't know how i should feel. Right now everything is so overwhelming tomorrow I'll leave
for the north for only a day and only an hour to say a last goodbye.
I hate deaths in the family maybe I've seen too many or too few.
I just wanna be home.

Everything will be fine, eventually.

So Its 2 something am.

I can't sleep the only thing I can think of is the rising sun in your glassy eyes. They'll shatter before morning child. Baby blues will never meet the sun. I am an island and you are the sea, I'll promise you one thing just don't take my breath from me. Take the blood from my bones and the color from my skin. I know I/we/you won't be going home.

Minus the my own summer.

You'd catch me when I break wouldn't you? Would you lie to me and would you tell me to believe in something only so we can find comfort? Conclusions, I have asked way too many questions, don't take my vision for love away. Don't break. I can sit here awake knowing that I'll fall asleep in class tomorrow. I should be sleeping, I should but I can't. Eyes won't stop swelling and this is all I'm capable of, writing shitty journal entries and listening to deftones. Oh how can it be, we were so alarmed by the fact that we could change something.
Stress sucks we all know it, they say you should reach for the sky, but right now I'm only on the ground.

shitgodamnignorance

You're living in a world full of imaginative people in nothing more than an actual planet.
Nothing more, you can't just say let there be light and it happens. If you haven't noticed I'm not a very faithful person, Is it really hard, this hard for me to believe in something so simple. It all just seems so surreal. I'll never know, you'll never know.
I just can't believe in death, I'm not sure if I can really believe in anything now.
Don't tell me I need to find the light, fuck the light. I'm living for right now and thats all I'm gonna say. For the moment.